


is there a train that travels back to yours at 5am?

by homesickghosts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drinking, Fluff, M/M, look at that i wrote something without any anst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:58:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homesickghosts/pseuds/homesickghosts
Summary: Dan and Phil over the years





	is there a train that travels back to yours at 5am?

**Author's Note:**

> title credit goes to pierce the veil. all mistakes are mine because i never edit. anyways, enjoy

2009

 

Being 18 is kind of cool, Dan thinks. He has a lot more freedom than before, he’s done with school and going to Uni, and really he can do whatever he wants. Which he did whatever he wanted before, but it’s  _ different _ now. Because he doesn’t need to ask for permission and then feel guilty for doing something anyways.

 

But really it’s just mostly that he doesn’t especially need to tell his mom where he’s going when he leaves. Plus, he knows his mom would probably shit herself if he told her he was out meeting someone he met online. (He probably should though, just in case, he like… gets murdered). (He probably won’t get murdered though).

 

When Dan gets off the train, what happens isn’t what he expects.

 

He’s expecting awkwardness. Maybe fireworks. But instead he’s encased in Phil’s arms and all he thinks is  _ home _ . And ohmygod this is everything he’s dreamed about and more.

 

And Phil whispers “you’re  _ real _ ” into Dan’s neck and Dan thinks the same.

 

2010

 

Living with someone else is kind of weird. He’s more aware of his body and how jerky his movements are. He’s more aware of the fact that when he uses the last of the milk before Phil wakes up, Phil kind of gets pissed, and Dan usually ends up having to go buy some more.

 

But it’s fun, living with his best friend.

 

They cuddle sometimes. It’s not really a big deal to either of them, because Phil’s always been touchy-feely and Dan’s never minded. Plus, Dan likes being held from time to time and Phil’s good at it.

 

So they cuddle, on the couch, and sometimes they fall asleep there, limbs tangled from sleep. And if Dan’s head ends up on Phil’s chest, neither of them notice and neither of them mind. So maybe Dan does it on purpose but he’s not gonna tell Phil that.

 

Maybe Dan does a lot of things on purpose that he would never admit. Like leaving his clothes thrown across the bathroom after a shower. Or putting the juice back with only a sip left. It’s not like Dan would admit out loud to anyone that it’s because he likes Phil’s pissed off face. He loves the way his heart speeds up when Phil clenches his fists ever so slightly. He loves the way he’s not sure what Phil’s reaction is going to be.

 

But mostly, Dan thinks maybe he should sort out whatever the fuck is going on in his head.

 

2011

 

Things don’t really get worse. No, not really. Dan loves living with Phil, loves Phil in more ways than he’d like to admit. But god, if the thoughts in his head don’t catch up with him sometimes.

 

But Phil’s there, every time it gets out of hand. Every time Dan slips into an uncomfortable numbness, every time something goes horribly wrong and Dan ends up blaming himself and and and

 

Phil’s there for him and that’s all that really matters.

 

Phil pulls him away, pulls him in, distracts him. They play video games until Dan’s fingers are numb instead of his head. They talk, about everything that’s going on in Dan’s head and jesus there’s stuff that Dan doesn’t want to say but does anyways.

 

And one night, one of the bad nights, when Phil found Dan hitting his head against the wall, Dan confesses. Confesses everything he’s been holding back for two fucking years and good god.

 

“I was expecting fireworks,” Dan mumbles, his face pressed against Phil’s shirt. He inhales deeply. “When we first met, I mean.”

 

Phil doesn’t reply for a beat. Dan squeezes his eyes shut.

 

“Why?” Phil asks. Because Phil’s always been oblivious.

 

“Because I thought I was in love with you,” Dan replies. Phil freezes, slightly, and tries to hide it, but Dan’s laying on top of him and it’s too late. Dan noticed.

 

“And?”

 

“And I still am.”

 

Dan presses his face into Phil’s shoulder and tries to suppress a shudder, tries to hide his eyes welling up, tries to hide his breath catching in his throat, getting stuck there. Phil tightens his arms around Dan and presses closed lips to Dan’s temple.

 

Dan doesn’t say anything, just listens to Phil’s heart beat, breathes Phil in.

 

“I’m sorry,” Phil says, breaking the silence that’s fallen over them. And that’s when Dan lets out a sob.

 

“God,” Dan whispers, “I’m so fucking dumb.” And he’s crying harder, pressing his face into Phil.

 

2012

 

Dan’s distant. He says it’s because he’s trying to find himself, and he guesses, he is, in a way. But in reality he’s just trying to deal with his broken heart and living each day with the person who broke it in the first place.

 

When Phil nudges him, Dan moves away. He sits farther down on the couch. Away from Phil, like Phil’s contagious with something Dan would rather not catch.

 

And fuck if Phil doesn’t feel bad.

 

If Phil could, he’d take everything back, but he can’t and it’s something he has to live with now. A regret he’ll just have to get over.

 

Dan misses Phil, misses their cuddles, their inside jokes. Misses subtly watching Phil whenever he thought Phil wasn’t looking. But now, his mind wanders and a bitter taste fills his mouth if his eyes linger for too long. But now, he’d rather drown out the bitter taste with someone else’s mouth.

 

Phil notices, because that’s what Phil does. Notices the way Dan comes back with someone’s claims staked all over his body. Notices the way Dan comes back, drunk on his feet, swaying in the doorway like it’s not the third time this week.

 

And Dan notices the way Phil watches him more than he used to. Notices the way Phil’s eyes linger on the hickies covering Dan’s neck. He notices the way Phil suddenly is noticing him. Like he never really  _ noticed _ Dan when it mattered. 

 

And it’s too late now, Dan thinks.

 

2013

 

“And here’s to a happy new year,” someone says. Dan doesn’t know who’s talking anymore, he stopped focusing three drinks ago and now everything’s mostly just fuzzy.

 

But then there’s fireworks and someone’s lips attached to his and Dan doesn’t remember wanting to kiss anyone but he goes along with it anyways. Besides, whoever it is, is a good kisser so who cares?

 

There’s cheering and Dan assumes it’s because it’s finally 2013 and 2012 is a year everyone would much rather forget about.

 

“Fucking finally,” someone else says. “How long do you think this has been building up?”

 

Dan opens his eyes and oh okay. He’s kissing Phil. Phil’s face is cupped in Dan’s hands and Dan is… kissing… Phil.

 

Dan pukes. His eyes start watering and Dan can’t stop puking. What a fucking lightweight. 

  
  
  


Some time, after the party Dan and Phil become  _ DanandPhil _ . Neither are really sure  _ when _ it happens but more often than not, Dan finds himself crawling into Phil’s bed than his own.

 

And yeah, sometimes they make out on the couch. Sometimes they make out in the kitchen and the food burns but ohmygod why didn’t they start making out when they first met?

 

They cuddle more, too. On the couch, in bed, sometimes even in public when they think they can get away with it.

 

Yeah, Dan thinks, maybe Phil did break his heart but also maybe Phil patched it back up.

 

And Phil did, really. Phil explained his side of his things from back when things went to shit. Explained that he felt the same, always had, he just  _ didn’t think to say anything _ . (Dan’s mouth formed a little ‘O’ at that point and he wanted to smack himself in the face).

 

They get kind of grossly coupley but hey, they’re in love and they finally get to show it.

 

So what if sometimes they get caught holding hands and pressing themselves against each other. (That’s all Dan’s fault though. He just likes to be as close to Phil as possible even if that means he’s basically standing on Phil).

 

They don’t confirm or deny anything. It’s more fun that way; dropping little hints here and there, letting people guess for themselves.

 

Because the only two that know what’s true is them and god they love that.

  
  


2014

 

“I might paint my nails,” Dan mentions, casually over dinner. Phil pauses, fork halfway to his mouth.

 

“Fuck, that’d be hot,” Phil says. He swallows hard. Dan laughs.

 

The next day, Dan buys some nail polish and paints his nails. Phil isn’t complaining.

 

“You know,” Phil says, “I finally understand why you like having my fingers in your mouth so much. It’s  _ wonderful _ .” Which Dan agrees but if Phil  could stop talking and well,  _ touch him _ that would be fantastic.

 

But instead, Phil is just straddling Dan, with Dan’s fingers in his mouth because he apparently really likes it when Dan paints his fingers.

 

~~

 

Sometimes, on their joint gaming channel, Dan will forget they’re filming and just stare at Phil. Because he can now and he’s allowed to and fuck everyone his boyfriend is  _ pretty _ okay and Phil deserves to be looked at like he hung the stars. (Sometimes Dan convinces himself that maybe Phil really did hang the stars).

 

And sometimes Dan will get so caught up in admiring Phil that he forgets people are talking and their friends get kinda pissy. But god Dan is just so  _ happy _ all the time now and he wants the world to know it and he wants the world to know Phil is his boyfriend and the love of his life but -

 

~

Phil suggests, one night, that maybe it would be kinda cool if they wrote a book about their lives or something.

 

Dan would agree, if well, it wasn’t 2 am and he wasn’t trying to sleep, but Phil keeps talking and Dan is trying to listen but his eyes keep fluttering shut so he hums in agreement and falls asleep.

 

The next morning, Phil’s typing away on his laptop and Dan is confused because usually that’s not really something Phil does.

 

But then Phil explains that they’re suddenly writing a book now and Dan needs to help somewhere.

 

They’re time gets filled with writing a book, with each other, with hanging out with friends, and they’re both so happy.

 

2015

 

It would be kind of cool to officially settle down, Dan thinks. But he’s afraid of commitment, afraid of Phil’s reaction so he keeps it to himself, instead opting to focus on their book and touring and traveling.

 

But it stays there, nagging at him. Because Dan is so in love with Phil that he knows that he’s found the one. That Phil is his soulmate (which is cliche but it’s true).

And so Dan mentions it. They’re in Japan, laying in bed, facing each other and Dan kind of thinks that it’s perfect timing. 

 

“Phil?” Dan whispers, pushing himself closer into Phil’s arms. “What do you think about-”

 

“About what, Danny?” Phil whispers back, pushing Dan’s hair out of his eyes. Phil places a kiss on Dan’s nose.

 

“Maybe we should get married? Someday at least.”

 

“Yeah?” Phil says, a little louder. Dan tenses, suddenly afraid of the answer. “I’d love that.”

 

Dan breathes a sigh of relief and laughs.

 

“Did we just get engaged?”

 

“I think we did.”   
  


Dan laughs again and closes his eyes, snuggling himself further into Phil’s chest.

  
  


2016

 

Dan can feel that 2016 is going to be a hell year in his bones. He can just  _ tell _ that it’s going to be a bad year.

 

And it is, at least in aspects outside of his control. But that doesn’t stop him from worrying about it, from being upset about it. 

 

But Phil’s there for him, just like Phil’s always been, to soothe and calm and remind Dan that bad things happen that Dan can’t control and that’s okay.

 

Dan loves him, so much that sometimes it hurts. And sometimes his heart speeds up because he remembers that they’re getting married soon and that they’re in love and -

 

Hey, Dan thinks, at least this year can’t be as bad as 2012.

 

~

 

They talk about moving. Because their apartment is too small, is getting too cramped and crowded. They’ve outgrown it, in a sense. But they don’t make any commitments yet because they still have time.

 

Dan starts thinking about his future with Phil. About getting a dream home and maybe adopting some kids and a dog. He thinks about finally coming out completely, but it’s not the right time either.

 

He paints his nails more. They’re painted in a video, and people freak out, but he loves it. He loves the way painting his nails make him feel and he wants to try more. He wants to try wearing skirts and dresses and Phil encourages him.

 

So he does, but he doesn’t go out in them because it’s still 2016, and he’d rather not die or something like that but he loves the way the fabric flows around his thighs. 

 

But he loves the way Phil’s eyes always go wide and he suddenly looks  _ hungry _ when Dan wears skirts. So Dan wears them a lot, for Phil and for himself and he loves it.

 

~~

 

Eventually, Dan brings up moving and getting a dog and Phil’s eyes light up.

 

“I’m going to start looking at corgis,” Phil says, excited and Dan laughs.

 

And they get married. There’s no wedding or ceremony, just them vowing to love each other for forever. So there’s that.

 

Some days, Dan looks up at Phil and thinks about how they got here, back from ‘09, when Dan was helplessly in love with Phil and Phil was obvlivous. How many viewers they have now. But mostly, Dan thinks about how in love he is with Phil and how good their life is.

 

Dan’s happy, and he wears it well.

 

2017

 

They move. It’s not into their dream house, no not yet, but it’s a bigger place. They share a room completely this time.

 

They’re moving again, soon, to their dream house and Dan brings up finally coming out.

 

“But don’t you think the drama of it all is kind of fun?” Phil asks. He knows that Dan’s been hinting at them being a couple for years, but it’s never been confirmed. And Dan agrees, it is rather fun, but he’s ready now, more ready than he was before.

 

So they agree, to come out, eventually, maybe later in the year, or maybe when the time is right. But for now, they’re focusing on their new apartment, and plans for their dream house but more importantly on adopting a dog of course.

And Dan thinks to himself that he wouldn’t change any of this for the world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you think? i guess


End file.
